Taking Action

After my last post, I decided it was time to get my butt into gear and stop sitting around worrying about all my problems and actually do something about them.  I went through my old e-mails and realized just how long it had been since I'd attended an online meeting.  Reading through all of the "topic" emails, I realized how much even just reading those little topics gives me something to focus on and work toward for a week.  I also signed onto the JWC for the first time in a long while, and it was like fate was waiting for me.  A long time ago, several people on the SA Codies board had been discussing starting a group and working through the Recovery Nation program together.  I had been interested, but in the absence of my computer and my general lack of participation over the past few months, I had all but forgotten about it.  When I signed in, there was an invitation just waiting for me.  I decided to give it a shot, and so far I've worked through the first couple of exercises.  I think this is going to be an incredibly good thing for me--just reading through the introduction to the partner's program got me really excited, mainly because it felt like it was literally written for me and my situation and my very own personal issues.  

The exercise the group is currently working on is a simple one, but far more difficult than I initially thought it would be.  The idea is to create a vision for your life, in any aspects that you can imagine.  To sit back and picture what values you used to have that drove your life and how you want to use those values in the future, how you want to put little things into practice to make your life the life you want.  I've written a lot down about it, but keep going back and revising as I think more about who I am and what I want.  It's the most liberating feeling--ever since D and I both started down this recovery road, I've been focusing on and off (or rather, trying to focus on, then forgetting, slipping, etc. and then trying to remember to focus) on the idea of "what I want."  As the world's biggest people pleaser, this has never been easy, but writing it out this way is pretty empowering.  It makes me feel much more directed and motivated and ready to tackle myself again.