Invitation

A good friend of mine, who lives a couple hours away and whom I see very little, recently sent me an e-mail inviting me to join her soon for her birthday party.  My initial response was an enthusiastic Of Course! I Can't Wait!, but almost as soon as I'd typed the words I erased them.  Not because I changed my mind, or didn't want to go, or realized some urgent plans that had already been made that day--simply because D couldn't go and I needed to check with him first.  Now, it's certainly not a bad thing to check with my husband in order to ensure that there is nothing important in our respective lives on the date in question that I am forgetting, prior to sending my RSVP.  I think, however, it is probably a bad thing that the main reasons behind my desire to check-in with him before committing are fear of him being angry that I'm gone, and worry that he will act out either as a result of that anger or a result of being all alone on a Friday night.  

This is where my people-pleasing is at its worst--in these gut reactions to simple things, like invitations to birthday parties.  In my effort to please others and thereby control them and my environment (because if I can keep D happy, of course, he won't act out and I won't have to deal with all that craziness) I have once again discounted myself.  This kind of thing used to happen all the time, and cost me some friendships along with my sanity.  Luckily, now I have my recovery tools and while those deep-seated fears haven't exactly gone away, I can at least remind myself (again) that I cannot control D's reactions.  It is not my job to ensure his happiness 100% of the time, and even if he is alone and/or angry about my absence, he is perfectly capable to drawing on his own recovery tools to get through it.  I can leave him to his Higher Power and focus on--gasp!--me.  And if I focus on me, and self-care, and what I really want to do, the answer to her question comes easily.  

Of course!  I can't wait!