Tuesday, April 20, 2010


The house is dirty...
Dog fur rolls across the floor like tumbleweeds
and the grass is too high
and the dishes need washed.
So many projects are running around in my head--
ideas of painting the kitchen and staining the deck and powerwashing the siding
and replacing the old and broken down and worn out
but then the car needs brakes
and the dog needs medicine
and I have to buy books for next year before the loan money arrives.

Do you ever just get frustrated?
So many things I'd like--a new tub that isn't chipped, a car that's not more than a decade old, shoes that will get me through my next year's internship (lots of standing for long hours and such). But it's not going to happen because little things come up, over and over again and suck away what little money was set aside.

So today I take time to at least make the house look good
and myself feel better
and mow the grass
even though I have a quiz tomorrow
but when will there ever be time otherwise?
And you say you will help but when my part is done you aren't ready
and the frustration grows because you do not run on my schedule.
And then we fight.

It will get done--it always does.
But sometimes it takes a while to unlearn old expectations
and remember that I do not have to get frustrated
because now you actually keep your promises.

1 comment:

Bernadine said...

As you know, I'm getting a divorce, so I can't relate from the me now, but I sure remember what that was like.

I bet it takes some time for your logical mind (the but now he keeps his promises part) to catch up with your first reaction... the you that was conditioned otherwise. I'm glad to hear that's changed, though. Great news.

Have you ever tried Imago? All of the married women in my group use it with their husband's, and love it.