Monday, March 30, 2009

An interesting situation arose for us on Saturday night.  We went out with friends, had a lovely dinner and watched a movie at someone's home, enjoying the company and some homemade wine.  Afterward, we ended up having to drive one of D's closest friends home because he'd had too much.  I normally wouldn't have thought much of this--we've all been there at one point or another, and sometimes time gets away from you.  However, there were several things said on the drive home that led both D and I to believe that our good friend V may be (or may be becoming) an alcoholic.  D spent a great deal of the drive talking to V, and ended up trying to give some general advice without specifically mentioning addiction.  As I sat in the backseat, it was more than a little uncomfortable to see D in a position I am all too familiar with--the helper/savior/friend who tries to reason an addict out of addictive behavior.  Honestly, he did a pretty good job dealing with the situation, but it was incredibly hard for me not to just step in and scream that nothing he was saying would do any good if V doesn't want to stop drinking for himself.  I asked D later to be careful--because I'd been there.  I know now that helping is not always possible.  And I don't want to see D get burned.  And then I remembered the things I've been working on, and took a step back.  

And so I sit back and remember that it's not my job to control anyone's behavior--D's with regard to SA, V's with regard to alcohol, or even D's with regard to helping/codependence.  I'm finding more strength every day in working my own recovery, and so whatever happens to my friend I leave to my (and his) higher power (but any prayer/good thoughts/karma you might have to send his way would, of course, be appreciated).  

1 comment:

Cat said...

Life is so much easier when we let go of stuff that is not ours to hold onto right? I am sending good thoughts his way and to you as well for good measure!