The other part of me that I think might be a codependent is the part of me that continues to want to check up on D. The part of me that still believes that there's something he's hiding somewhere. That he's only saying he's sober, that he's lying about not acting out. There's still part of me that thinks it can't just be that easy, and so that part of me checks our cell phone bill once a day to see if there have been any questionable texts or calls. Part of me that must be restrained from checking even his work e-mail, which has never revealed anything suspicious since it's firewalled. These are the behaviors that I'd really like to stop. I think it will continue to get easier once D is more firmly into SAA. I (like him) would really love if he could stop going to his counseling classes (that are required for his probation) and be able to switch over to SAA instead, especially once he finds a sponsor and starts working the steps seriously. I doubt the powers that be will let that happen, but he just doesn't seem to be doing much in classes any more since his counselor has stopped giving him official assignments, and I am hopeful that doing a first step presentation, making a list of the people he's hurt and how he can help them, making that moral inventory of his character defects, all the other things I read about people in SAA doing...I'm hoping (and really thinking) that will do more than anything he's ever done in classes, even when he was being honest in his assignments.
God, give me peace. Help me to realize that as much as I can encourage, I cannot control others. Help D to want to go back to SAA and to gain encouragement and support and strength to continue in his sobriety. Help us both to seek you as a source of help to take on each day.