This morning was a really good morning. D didn't have to work til one, and he came to church with me for the first time in a long while. He's not really a church person, and I'll admit that the church I've been attending I certainly don't agree with all (or even any, on some days) of what is said in the sermon, but I feel much more comfortable disagreeing and just taking what speaks to me. Also, the music is better, and the people are at least relatively genuine and caring (as opposed to the church I grew up at, where I'm pretty sure half the congregation is dead and no one's realized it yet). He actually took it pretty well, considering it was not a very good sermon (in my opinion) today. I think the fact that we talked about just knowing how it was and taking it for what it is, even if that's not really your thing all the time, helped. I'm hopeful that he'll come back the next time he has the ability. I pray for him constantly the whole time I'm there every week. I don't expect him to be "saved" or anything (mainly because I don't really get along with the whole neo-conservative evangelical idea of "getting saved"), but I do hope that he'll find God on his own terms, and that doing so will help him to seek God as a means of healing. I pray for his healing every day...I guess I just hope someday he will too.
This morning was also a bright note for another reason: it's probably tmi, but for the first time in over a week, we were actually comfortable enough to have some intimate time, and I didn't even have problems of thinking about what was going through his head or picturing something he's done in the past. I asked him later if I was the only one he thought about, and he said yes. The bigger thing, though...I asked how long it had been since he could say that...and he said about two weeks or so. He said that he regretted it hadn't been longer, but for me, hearing that was like water for a dying man. It let me know that he's not just going to blow sunshine up my ass about the fact that he's been perfectly clean for a month now, but it also let me know that there's been progress. He's thought about other girls since he's stopped texting and chatting...but for two weeks, I've been the only fantasy. And that's a huge step for us.