I have for a long time had issues with this concept--I am, at my heart, a planner. I plan things in my head eons in advance and have been known amongst certain circles as a "list goddess." My life has been meticulously crafted in these lists and plans and ideas for as long as I can remember. I would sit in high school making lists of all the colleges I was applying to and all the scholarships I needed to finish and what homework was due on what day. In college, I made lists of volunteer work that I had done and research projects that I was pursuing in order to apply to graduate school. When I planned my wedding, I had lists on lists on lists of everything--caterer's options, things to be done that week, guests, gifts, thank you notes written, appointments. Even now, I have a plan for pretty much exactly what will happen to me as I journey through grad school, what steps need to be taken in which years in order to apply for positions at the end. I plan for "what will I do on Saturday" with as much voracity as I worry about "what will happen to D and I in the future." I didn't really think about it until yesterday, but I tend to live in the future. A lot.
Today, I am grateful for the opportunity to wake up a little and enjoy exactly where I am. I have so much to be grateful for right here, right now, after all. Today, I am in a good place. I am working on myself and seeing progress. I spoke up last night about my feelings without beating around the bush and D and I had a legitimate dialogue that left us both satisfied, so I am grateful for where I am, and where we are in our recovery as a couple. D is sober and happy. The sun has finally come out and warm weather looks like it is here to stay. I am working away like the good little research assistant I am, and I am deeply, deeply satisfied with my work. Every day that I pursue this career I am more sure of its rightness for me. I feel with utmost conviction that that e-mail was right--with no worries about what tomorrow has in store, I am, right now, exactly where I need to be.